My friend Kari recently made an entry in her blog about how people just aren't talking on the phone anymore, as in - the internet is the new all-encompassing social hub. I have to admit, I didn't really think about it much because I am not a phone person. I'm not even really a "face to face" person, to be honest; every relationship I've ever had outside of my husband and my kids, I have let slip through my fingers. It's not that I'm not interested [well, in lots of cases, I'm sure], but ... uhm, I don't have a therapist just for kicks. I have issues - probably more than your local magazine rack. I have them for valid reasons, but I have reached a point in my life where it is time to put those issues on a shelf and get on with things.
I want someone - hell, a group of someones - I can pick up the phone with and say, "Can you believe my mother sent me another Jesus book for my birthday? Let's meet for lunch and rag on people." Because that actually happened today, and not for the first time I might add, and here I sit, totally indignant and hurt, and no one to share it with except for my husband and my online world. It is funny, in a not nice way, that one of the things I've always wanted in my life is a big family, or at least a big group of friends. I grew up with none, grew up without a safety net, grew up being a loner because that's just what my life told me I needed to be. That's irony for you!
I met with my therapist today and we discussed further my lack of face to face social interaction - it's been a defense mechanism, along with being convenient, and having afforded me with a wider pool with which I can cast my net and find the people that I click with. However, it's left me with no one to have lunch with; no one to discuss a book with over a steaming cup of coffee in some indie shop; no one to even laugh with over... anything! I do not have a family outside of my husband and kids, and as sad as that statement may be, I don't even have my own made-up family of people that I can invite to Thanksgiving or whatever reason I need to be surrounded by a group of people that I get and who get me in return. My birthday is quickly approaching, and the last time it was a "big deal" to anyone, I think I was 12. I wish I were exaggerating, because even reading that makes me sad.
So my "homework" for therapy this week is to join a group that isn't online. More irony is that I am looking for this mysterious group...ON THE INTERNET. Hey, it's convenient. What am I supposed to do, go door to door? So, I'm using my very best kung fu google skills because I have been on the internet for 10 years, and if there's one thing I've learned, it's that Google is my friend. But you know what I've found? Either Google is a hateful liar that is hiding these groups I want to join, OR they do not exist. In a good solid hour of searching I have found one group an hour away that has 109 members, but only apparently allows 15 members at a time to participate [cooking group] and is also not at a really convenient time, and a prefabricated Writer's Group hosted by Barnes & Noble [also an hour away] that may or may not have more than one member and no description of what they actually do or talk about, but the time they meet is generally okay. That's it, kids.
Am I going to have to start groups myself in order to find friends? Me, the no phone contact having, not so good with the face to face, doesn't really know how to keep a good relationship kind of person?
I love to cook, I'm a total bookworm, aspiring writer, and pretty decent photographer. Please won't you be my neighbor?
have you tried looking through meetup?
ReplyDeleteI have - meetup has the cooking group with 109 members but only 10/15 allowed to participate. :( Outside of that, they have absolutely NOTHING that interests me... not even a photography group. Honestly.. I expected at least to be able to find a photo group fairly easily. The only group that even mentions photography said that they "may" have a day where they go out and take pictures, otherwise they get together to play board games, etc. And while that's fine, uh, it's not for me!
ReplyDeleteThe therapist mentioned a book store here in town that I didn't know about. They actually *DO* have book clubs AND a writer's group! I went down there yesterday to get some info, but the kid wasn't too helpful, and the woman who runs it all wasn't there. So I'll need to either call or email her. I'm liking the idea that I can do something here in town instead of having to drive 2 hours!