Time wasted is lessons learned

I don't know about you, but I'm one of those that puts my whole heart into a thing when I've decided to. Whether it's getting my hair done up exactly the way I intend to, or marketing my latest photography endeavor, I am "me", hear me roar. Or don't. And lots of times people don't; they choose not to. I expect it... most of the time. I've always found, for example, that most of my favorite photos that I want to promote don't get the recognition that I wish they would ~ perhaps I have quirky taste; I've come to accept that. My least favorites get all of the praise without any effort on my part, and my most valued treasures are dismissed.

I'm finding it's the same with ... other things. I'm finding that going to bat for people that I believe in is equally futile, and, as equally baffling, it's being dismissed by the very people I'm going to bat FOR. What? Of course this has completely revamped my thought process once again; why go to bat at all? Short answer is, I won't. Being the most ... vocal of the bunch, I will now become one of the most quiet, because I see that the very people I go to bat for aren't capable of taking is as seriously as I do. And that's okay. It makes me feel like a giant idiot and wonder why on earth they waste their time while hailing my name in the process, but outside of that, I have... my name to lose.

ah yeah, that.

"we want community, but not much that community," and "we want your feedback, but we're tired of hearing about that, even though we have no solution," and "we're here to show you our pretty faces, but uh, yeah... just make us look good. That's all we really appear to want." I suddenly feel like I've slipped down the rabbit hole for 10 months and am coming to with a room full of Auntie Em and the Wicked Witch of the West peering in through my window. I have never been a fan of The Wizard of Oz, and The WWW is one nasty little beast.

Internet, I have lost faith in you. From designers that paint prettier pictures than they know how to conjugate the bond they try to form with me, to people whom I respected that let me down again and again; what's a girl to make of it? Eat me? Fuck you? Which pill to choose.

Goodness, this entry is much too full of literary and cinematic garbage.... just like the rest of the world.

I guess it comes down to this: I am through with you. Maybe for now, maybe for ever. I've eaten your garbage and swallowed your swill, and won't make that mistake again. I may love you, but watching you use me to scramble to your imagined "top" is not a view I ever care to repeat.  Good luck with it.