My Average Joe ~ Happy Father's Day

Today is such a bittersweet day for me. Father's Day. I see messages sent out by my friends into cyberspace - wishes of a happy day for their own dads, and they make me smile and they make me so very sad that I no longer have my own dad to send my wishes to. Rather than allow myself to sit and feel sorry for myself, I am determined to focus on the positive.

I don't think that means what you think that means

I know people that work really hard at being relevant on the internet. They retweet the latest gossip, the latest news, the latest trend; they have thousands of followers and admirers and fans. They are the elite. They blip and twitpic and status update; rehash every single minutia that everyone else has already presented to the unwashed masses in hopes of gaining fame, however small.

There's something you need to know about me.

The term "social media" makes my skin crawl in *most* cases. I grew up "social by circumstance, not by choice," which is a lot longer phrase than that which you may be familiar with. So long, in fact, that it never really caught on with the rest of the world. I'm sure you'd probably NOT be surprised with the number of people like me out there on the internet virtually patting your back. It's not that people like myself are so few in number, but I believe we've just adapted. We are the Darwin Fish of the ethernet, swimming through the bits that gain us legs and voices and .. perhaps, guts. Who knows?

It's not that I am anti-social.. well, in most cases. I thought for a long time that I really just didn't like people, and that was that. But it turns out that I DO like people... the ones that have the courage to be genuine, to reach out, to speak their minds fearlessly, to wear their heart on their sleeve; the ones that aren't trying to sell me their product, whether it be their idea or their body. It's not real if you have nothing to lose by exposing it, yes? And yes. If you have nothing to lose by my gaining it, it's not worth having, and I give you the same.

 

And that's it, really. I'm not a special little temperamental snowflake, not if you know me. Because if you know me, then you know a lot more like me, too ~ my fellow speakers of the heart. We aren't casting our nets into the murky depths of "maybe"; we have a definitive opinion, like it or not, and we aren't odd for voicing it. Liked or disliked, accepted or not, we are the "oddballs" that are courageously speaking our minds with little to lose. We are "scary" and "hypersensitive" and "mental" and "intsense". Only insofar as you are "scared" and "numb" and "unthinking" and "superficial."

That you could be so free in being yourself, and speaking your own mind; how I wish that for us all.

Time wasted is lessons learned

I don't know about you, but I'm one of those that puts my whole heart into a thing when I've decided to. Whether it's getting my hair done up exactly the way I intend to, or marketing my latest photography endeavor, I am "me", hear me roar. Or don't. And lots of times people don't; they choose not to. I expect it... most of the time. I've always found, for example, that most of my favorite photos that I want to promote don't get the recognition that I wish they would ~ perhaps I have quirky taste; I've come to accept that. My least favorites get all of the praise without any effort on my part, and my most valued treasures are dismissed.

I'm finding it's the same with ... other things. I'm finding that going to bat for people that I believe in is equally futile, and, as equally baffling, it's being dismissed by the very people I'm going to bat FOR. What? Of course this has completely revamped my thought process once again; why go to bat at all? Short answer is, I won't. Being the most ... vocal of the bunch, I will now become one of the most quiet, because I see that the very people I go to bat for aren't capable of taking is as seriously as I do. And that's okay. It makes me feel like a giant idiot and wonder why on earth they waste their time while hailing my name in the process, but outside of that, I have... my name to lose.

ah yeah, that.

"we want community, but not much that community," and "we want your feedback, but we're tired of hearing about that, even though we have no solution," and "we're here to show you our pretty faces, but uh, yeah... just make us look good. That's all we really appear to want." I suddenly feel like I've slipped down the rabbit hole for 10 months and am coming to with a room full of Auntie Em and the Wicked Witch of the West peering in through my window. I have never been a fan of The Wizard of Oz, and The WWW is one nasty little beast.

Internet, I have lost faith in you. From designers that paint prettier pictures than they know how to conjugate the bond they try to form with me, to people whom I respected that let me down again and again; what's a girl to make of it? Eat me? Fuck you? Which pill to choose.

Goodness, this entry is much too full of literary and cinematic garbage.... just like the rest of the world.

I guess it comes down to this: I am through with you. Maybe for now, maybe for ever. I've eaten your garbage and swallowed your swill, and won't make that mistake again. I may love you, but watching you use me to scramble to your imagined "top" is not a view I ever care to repeat.  Good luck with it.